we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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