I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
