my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
