I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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