I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
