Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
