I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
