Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
