he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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