someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
