Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
jump out the window naked night went bad
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
