my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
