Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
