I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
