I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
