i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
