You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
