I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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