I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
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