life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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