I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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