sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
