I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
