i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
