Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
