Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
