If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am one with the molecules
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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