I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
