My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize