those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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