I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
