apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
