Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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