He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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