I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My liver just had a heart attack.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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