Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
