Four minutes until I can fart!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
