4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
