So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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