dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
