I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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