My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
