I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
