if i can run in heels then i can drive
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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