then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
