I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
