I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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