I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
