Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Come on in and take your pants off
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