Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
only if we run a train.
done.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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