Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
