I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
