My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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