I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he was CRYING into my vagina
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
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