I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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