I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize