I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
