I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
