I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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