I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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