u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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