I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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