i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize